he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
