he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
