Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
