Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
