I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
