Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
