Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
