I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we're so committed to being not committed
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