The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
