I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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