Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
