Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
