I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
