He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
