smell my finger.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
