I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
