I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
