glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
