This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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