Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
