a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
