did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
