How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
