Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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