Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't think brook has ever known best
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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