so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
