If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
