Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
