Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
