I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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