i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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