I cannot find my penis.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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