I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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