Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
