he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
