i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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