i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
In America we eat man semen.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
