i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
