what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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