i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
