So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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