Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
