Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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