All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
