someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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