I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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