Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
