babies were throwing up all over the place
is wine microwaveable?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
