She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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