Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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