Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
