Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
