some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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