biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
