I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
