this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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