Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
