She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
