i jhust puked up my retainher.
my being single is dangerous.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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