if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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