you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
