I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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