is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
