There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
