Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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