It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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