i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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