i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
