hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
