Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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