I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
