Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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