Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
high people should be assigned attendants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
