i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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