I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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