OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
