i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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