I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
