That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
