I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
