Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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