So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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