In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
