my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
