I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
