Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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