pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
