you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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