you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
