She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
