wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
