I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
