im drinking this country out of the recession.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
