Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
