i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
