I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
