You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
