I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
