i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
