I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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