I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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