So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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