I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize