Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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