Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
