i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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