Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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