I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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