the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's never too late to be topless.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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