he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
