Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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