apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
