seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
